Divorce makes such an impact on your emotional self. This enormous wave crashes into you and there is no escape. You can only swim through and hope there is a nice beach with shady trees on the other side.
But first, you must keep swimming through the frustration, and it will be a struggle on some days. Here is how to get to the other side:
1. Don’t regret. Whether you did the leaving or are the one who left, life happened. You cannot regret your choice to marry this person, your choice to hope for better and ask for divorce, or any of your choices along the way. You made them. Regret is looking back and will not take you forward.
2. Remember the way he/she used to talk about you. Your marriage may have become a battlefield, but in the beginning, your partner chose you for the wonderful reasons he or she once told you without hesitation. If your marriage has become unhappy, something went wrong. But that does not mean the wonderful person you are was lost. Divorce’s hit on the self-esteem can lead to depression. Focus on the positives you have to offer.
3. No rush. There will be tears, days when you can hardly get out of bed, days when you simply shake with anger. Friends and family may push you to “get over it, already.” But this struggle requires patience and time.
4. Take care of yourself so you can be a good parent. Be your best self and find a way to co-parent or parallel parent. If you are the one leaving, remember that you are setting a good example for your children, teaching them that happiness is possible and that no one should stay in a bad marriage. They may not understand at first, but they will someday. Continue to set that good example by finding a way to love life.
5. Dare to dream. The beach is on the other side. How does it look to you? Life has given you the opportunity to start over, do something new, try something different. You may have felt hopeless for many years during your marriage. It’s time to find that hope again and use it.
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